Not A Home
by Lovelikethemovies
Summary: Originally ‘Missing’, rewritten with original lyrics. In a fit of anger, Dawn yells at Buffy to leave, and so she does.


**Title:** Not A Home

**Author:** Demongirl024

Song; _Not a Home_, by yours truly. This was originally written along to _Missing; Evanescence_, but since put up their lyrics ban I decided to write my own.

**Disclaimer:** Everything to do with Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel: The Series belongs to Joss Whedon. The lyrics, however, are all mine.

**Timeline;** Post Chosen; Pre NFA.

The petite woman stepped onto the stage, golden hair shimmering gently against her California tan, leather pants and blood red halter clinging to her like a second skin, leather duster finishing the effect. Her emerald green eyes reflecting someone who had grown up too fast, too soon. Mossy green quickly scanned the crowd watching her every step, waiting for her to make the first move.

She opened her glossy red lips to take a breath, and started.

_Though I tried so hard to stay, you were begging me to go_

_With every look at me, and every second that you spoke_

_I could see it in your movements_

_And you hid yourself from me_

_Telling me you've found your way_

_And you are setting me free_

Buffy Summers stared at Dawn, the sister she had given her life for, the same young woman that was now telling her to stay out of her life, to stay away. Tears glimmered in her eyes, threatening to fall, but Buffy held on to her façade of unaffected, untouchable Slayer. If Dawn wanted her to butt out, then she would. She would butt out forever if her little sister asked.

_Did it ever cross you that I don't want to go, that I found a place for me_

_Was it a coincidence that I wanted to stay, far from where I was free_

_We've been to the edge of the world together_

_Far past the sunburnt horizons_

_But you have decided to push me off_

_Using your vocal poisons_

She opened her closet, spying the duffel bag that she had used to run away so many years ago, when a friend's lie had resulted in her killing the one she loved. Grabbing the bag and setting it on her bed, Buffy started to pile clothes into the bag, all the while stifling her tears, in case Dawn should hear. Mr. Gordo went in first, her loyal confidante, followed by Mr. Pointy, her and Kendra's favourite stake, Buffy emptied her jewellery box into a little bag and put it in her duffel's pocket. On her vanity lay a long, handwritten letter to Dawn, and Willow, the only friends and family residing in Rome at the time, with Xander being in Africa, and Giles in England. Buffy sighed, and a lone tear escaped down her tanned cheek, a reminder of the other tears that had fallen down her face, like a lover's caress.

_Running once I caught my balance, desperate to hide_

_Trying hard not to be seen, I'm sorry that I lied_

_In the beginning it was all love_

_And then it turned to hate_

_Last night, I drove and drove_

_Wishing it was too late_

She opened her room's door, seeing the television on, but all the lights off. Dawn had evidently gone out to cool off. Buffy walked forwards, towards the dining table, setting her letter to Dawn on it. She turned off the television, mindful of the electricity bills, and put down the deeds to the house on the desk. She shook her head, briefly wondering if Dawn and the others would hate her for what she had done, or merely forget her, remembering only at Christmas, or birthdays, and wondering where to send the generated Hallmark cards. Buffy paused as she was going to put her key on the table, thinking she might use it. She stepped out of the house, embracing the cool air that hit her face, so soft and inviting, beckoning to her.

_I could walk into a bar, and they would gasp and call my name_

_I guess it's just the price to pay, for destroying, I get fame_

_For running, I don't know the price_

_I guess I'll have to pay_

_I'm not sure if you'll try to follow_

_Perhaps you will someday_

Dawn entered the house, seeing the turned off television, deciding that Buffy had gone to sleep, but upon walking to Buffy's door, saw no one inside.

"Buffy?" No answer, worry was creeping into her voice, "Buffy?"

Then, as she walked back to the living room, she saw a letter on the dining table.

"Buffy?" Water pooled in Dawn's blue eyes as she read the letter, the beginning of an ocean of tears and regret.

"Why don't you just go, Buffy? Butt out of my life, and stay away."

Her sister was gone. She had sent her away. Dawn Summers was alone for the second time in her life. Alone without her sister.

_I know that I will not return, I've gone too far to turn_

_I know that you never really cared, not enough to learn_

_That I'll be happy when I can_

_And love whom I want_

_When troubles came, I always ran_

_And from a distance, taunt_

Buffy sighed, her song was over, and the strings died away. She smiled, as the enthusiastic crowd at Caritas hooted and clapped. She hummed slightly as her song was put on repeat, and slowly walked down the stairs leading to the stage. She caught sight of peroxide-blond hair, crystal blue eyes, and her eyes widened. The bright blue eyes focused on her emerald green ones.

"Buffy?"

"Spike?"

_I know I lost love long ago, but when I have the chance_

_I'll look for him, I'll search the globe, I'll dig with my very hands_

_With no one behind, and no one ahead_

_I'm alone on all fronts_

_With no one to the right, and no one to the left_

_I've nothing to do but run_

Buffy took one look at his confused face, and took it as betrayal. She wondered why no one had told her he was alive. Yet another disappointment in the people she loved. She had really thought Spike, of all people, would remain loyal, and try to find her. Nothing was fair any more. Nothing was ever fair. But as she turned to go, a cool hand on her shoulder stopped her.

_If you ask me to return, I might consider the option_

_But the tables turn towards a new life, in another direction_

_However, when I asked for help_

_You turned, and laughed at me_

_You said that I was the Chosen One_

_Perhaps I shouldn't be_

Spike said nothing, just opened his arms as Buffy rushed to him, he held her as she sobbed her shattered heart out. He murmured quiet words of love and comfort, and she wept brokenly into his shoulder.

"'s all right pet," Buffy gently traced the contours of Spike's face, running her fingers along his defined cheekbones, and then looking into his eyes, the windows to his soul, and seeing the immense love and faith reflected in the blue, she knew that no matter what, here she would be protected, and loved.

_When the end of the world had past, you said we'd be happy in Rome_

_Maybe, to you it would seem, but our house was not a home_

_Am I that unimportant?_

_Did you never really care?_

_How could you just send me away_

_And pretend I was never there_

"I love you," blue eyes widened in wonder and amazement, and then muscular arms were picking her up, and she was giggling, while being swung around. Her vampire, was kissing her with all the passion and love he felt for his Slayer/ He had waited so long, and she was finally here.

"I'll never leave you, Slayer, I promise."

A lone tear escaped down Buffy's cheek, and Spike brushed it away, kissing the tear tracks. He seemed to know exactly what had happened, and soothed her fears with a passionate, searching kiss.

_I gave my life to save yours, and the others I protected_

_I don't understand how you change your mind, to the other you selected_

_She can protect you_

_If it's what you really want_

_If I'm finally free to go_

_I can do what I really want_

Immortality was to be their gift, and in an endless white chamber, the powers responsible for all hatred and love, rewards and punishments, stood, identical mysterious, knowing smiles etched into their faces.

On another corner of the Earth, a former Key, Wicca, Watcher and Xan-Man cried for the friend, and family they had not lost, but sent away.

_And now, my friends, it's time to go, I hope I will be missed_

_I will run, but not alone, by fate I have been kissed_

_I will hide, and he will follow_

_Wherever I will roam_

_Remember this, I love you too_

_But our house was not a home_

_--_

Thank you for reading, feedback would be lovely.


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